Reoccuring Dream

I have this reoccuring dream. I'm walking through a feild of all different types of flowers. Taken in their enchanting aroma. It's bright and the sun is shining its warm beams upon my face. I walk on forward, looking for something, someone, with great anticipation.
A weeping willow. Beautiful, peaceful, and blossomed. Running to the mysterious figure behind the weeping branches, I enter a time free zone. There he is, laying so effortlessly on a blanket, welcoming me. His eyes, brighter than the sun, reflect his pure tone of skin, perfectly contrasting against that deep empty black shirt he is always wearing. Resting on his strong back, left arm supporting his head, he smiles at me, welcoming me, as if he had been waiting for years. I get down on my hands and knees, crawling to him. His smell. That's all I could think of, I never wanna leave. His heartbeat is steady, sure, and confident. I place my head on his chest. Closing my eyes and taking him in. I am in a time free zone. Rain fell from the sky, but not where him and I lay, under that tree, nothing can touch us, nothing can hurt us. Nothing can hurt me, cuz I am laying with him. The smell of the rain, his aroma, and the smell of the flower petals floating around us, were wrapped around my senses. We were watching the outside world, covered and seeping with pouring rain, but we were untouched and unharmed. Even though gray outside the tree, in our time free zone, it was bright. Then Darkness. But I wasn't afraid because he had been holding me tightly, telling me he loved me. And thats when I felt that feeling. The feeling where I have a hard time breathing, Im longing for him to be real. The clouds roll away, exposing pure sky with stars painting love stories across its dark blue canvas. We lay in eachothers arms, looking up at the sky. Looking into eachothers eyes. No pain, no hurt. Just love and completion.
We can lay like this forever, there is no clock telling us its time to go, no time separating us, no person pulling me away from him. We can be together forever, but I always fade away, leaving him to wait for me endlessly in a world that exists only in my mind. My feelings and love are returned in that world, but my bodies duty is to wake up to walk the streets lonley in this world.

Im Still Awake

I'm still awake...and craving chicken burgers...

and you...

Will I Ever Forget

Why do I still remember your lips? They are keeping me from moving on. Maybe if we didn't kiss that night, we would have went our seperate ways by now. Sleeping, or as if in a trance because of your wonderful aroma, I lay on your lap. You sat with your face glancing at the sky right before I dozed off. Crickets chirping, and singing their soft melody for themselves, it seemed as if they were singing for us. You looked up at the sky, I looked up at you, drifting in and out of sweet sleep. If I had not gotten hurt that night, I wouldnt have ran to you, and it wouldnt have happened. Maybe it shouldn't have. But it did. I lay on your lap, eyes closed. And then you kissed me. My eyes opened wide, your eyes closed, your hand on my face, lightly caressing my cheek. Was it real? Or all a dream? I quickly closed my eyes, losing myself in a kiss I had been waiting for for years. Finally. You kissed me. Maybe you shouldnt have. But you did. Your warm lips against my trembling lips taught me what to do. But I couldnt think. I was drawing a blank. It was just me, and you. I couldnt even understand what we were doing. Kissing...yes. But what were we doing? We cant kiss. We arent supposed to kiss. We arent allowed to kiss. It will make us like this. But we kissed anyways. I can hear this deep longing sound, light, soft, and tender, coming from your throat. I can feel the tip of your tongue tickling mine. What are we doing? I sealed the kiss with the locking of our lips...and departed back into my surreal sleep. Was this real? Yes, it was. But maybe it shouldnt have. This changed everything. It brought us closer and further. I wasnt yours and you weren't mine, but we belonged to eachother that moment on that bench. You shouldnt have had me for even a moment, but I had you too. Even though you would never want to admit it. I had you. And yet, when you aproached me, I swore I would never give in again. I promised the world that I would never let you kiss me. So much for promises. You vowed you would never love me. You said you would never need me. So much for vows. And so we kissed, many times more. Kissing turned into something more. But never everything. You just couldnt. Because I couldnt. Maybe because we shouldnt. And we didnt. You hurt me. You stepped all over me. I stepped all over you. Just to have eachother all over again? You ran your fingers through my hair. You whispered softly of change. We had all these plans. But we cant be. We arent supposed to be. We arent allowed to be. I climb on top of you. Holding you. Smiling, and telling you that I will never leave you, when I am walking away...Cuz you walked away. From me. I met you as a child. Waited for so long. From having it all in my hands, to having it taken away, in one day, with your mistake, on one corner. And yes, it stayed in my mind. Always will. But I cant forget your lips. Will you ever kiss me again? I cant forget your hands. Will you ever touch me again? And all your words. Will you ever lie again? And your promises. Will you ever promise to be mine?...Will I ever believe you.......

Countdown

Its a few days till the new year......

Created by Crazyprofile.com

Loving It

"Before, they told me to do me, and dont listen to anybody who knew me, cuz to have known me would mean there was a new me, and if you think i changed in the slightest..could have fooled me." ---Drake

They all think shit... i'll fix everything wrong with me... starting with the thing I hate most about myself. Then they will see me for me, and then they will wish they knew me, cuz they dot know anything about me. Im'a higher than everyone that thinks they higher than me... no matter what that takes.

Free

I have rebelled against your reign,
Stepped away unusually whole.
I freed myself from hurt and pain,
Wont play that "helpless" role.

I'm strong and powerful inside,
At least that is what you will see.
I have detoured from this horror ride,
And so I MUST walk proud and free.

I'm no longer on a leash or chain,
At least not leashed by you.
I'm gonna walk myself through rain,
Just so I can say "I did it without you."

Everytime I think of us apart,
At times we are marked with regret.
It leaves this feel of bitter and tart,
'Cuz you're so different from when we met.

I don't need your ruthless glare,
Or your sweet and blissful kiss.
Or the way my heart would tear,
Because I knew we'd end like this.

I wanted your hurt,
I settled for the pain.
You promised me a prince,
But he just never came.

Well maybe he came,
But he never stayed.
I just couldn't tame,
As he laughed and he played.

Now YOUR in Love,
You say you need me,
I sure as hell felt needed
When you said you'd live without me

Or how you told me to die,
So you could not feel,
I guess I've been dead,
Because your emotions are unreal.

I walk alone and proud,
At least thats what you will see,
I'll blend in with your croud,
Cuz you wont distinguish between you and me.

It's not that I dont love you,
Those feelings stay right here.
It's just that life has tought me,
Something very clear.

Never love what was lost,
You lost yourself before you lost me
Now I walk proud like you,
Cuz I lost myself so I can be free.

1:49 AM

It's 1:49 AM and guess what....

I have nothing to say