Silence Settles
Floods the room
Piercing my skin
like a thousand
Infected.
Needles.

Teardrops Fall
Stain my stain
Shivers across a lifeless body
like a rugged terrain
Left.
Undiscovered.

Disappointment Sinks
Tragedy prevails
Poisoning a volatile heart
like a child
Acquainted.
With Death.

Comet

No words or thoughts left
To describe what I feel,
No point in asking questions
Or sifting lie from real
I was a soaring comet
Great distance I would fly
You as the blinding light
Would guide me through the sky
And then our secret meetings
Swimming through the dark pond
Who knew our glow would leave trails
Cruel humans became fond
I circle a great distance
But now this time alone
Silence through atmosphere
Not a mere single tone
A comet that has crashed
Without her guiding light
Alas, has been reformed
She might just be alright
Until then invisible
Searching for that spark
To pull her out of nothing
To save her from her dark

I wrote this when I was 15

Dont worry my friend
Your time will come, Not end
For, I know you witnessed heartbreak
And I know how hard it is to see
That things will happoen in their time, Things will
Just be
Smile, Dont frown
Laugh, Dont Cry
I know that your problems will drain away,
They will pass you by
Forget the things you think aboutr, Or just set
Things aside
I feel like you are on a coaster being taken on
A ride
Dont hurt yourself, Think a bit
Stop
Dont worry, My friend
For your time will come, Not end
All the problems that you have will just dismend

Marlon Brando

Ok, so those who know me, know I have this weird thing, I think its hot watching sexy guys shave their faces. Lol, and this is the sexiest mannnn everr..to bad he's dead now. RIP Marlon Brando.



This man is the most gorgeous person that could have ever lived. Talented and Beautiful inside out. In this movie he plays his antithesis

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YBJ_u2ExjmY&feature=related

He is just so beautiful!

Will I ever stop?

So I happen to miss you like crazy. Will I ever stop loving you?
Every time I sign on to write something, nothing comes out.

Holidays

HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I would sure want him to climb through my chimney ;) (pun intended ROFL)
This is sure a long way away from my first image of Santa! Since I don't celebrate Christmas because I'm Jewish, I would love for the Jewish Hannukah Harry to look like this =]





But its ok, we get to keep Adam Levine =]

All of this for a step further into life.

You have lost all that belonged to you,
So here, come take what I have.
You are the not worth a gram of dirt,
So here, take the gold I am made of.
You don’t have a place on this planet,
So here, take my place in this world.
You have poor judgment in your 40 years,
So here, take my 19 year old judgment.
All of this for a step further into life.
You don’t have any manners left,
So here, take my etiquette.
You don’t understand life,
So here, go and ruin the lives around you.
You don’t have any friends,
So here, take mine for yourself.
All of this for a step further into life.
You have lost your humanness,
So here, let yourself revolve around me.
You can’t blame yourself for your own mistakes,
So here, I shall take all the blame for you.
All of this for a step further into life.
You think you are in control,
But no, I will take control.
All of this for a step further into life.
You think you are ahead,
But no, you just took 5 steps back.
All of this for a step further into life.
You have lost your meaning,
But no, you blindly gave it to me.
So here, I took it. From you.
Just like you thought I would.
All of this for a step further into life.
You think I have lost this war,
But no, you surrendered.
I have won, and you are nothing.
All of this for a step further into life.
So cry, bitch cry. Cry your defeated cry.
As I write music to your tears.
11-22-2010

Alone

Lately everything I have been doing, is being done alone. I really am alone. I really wish I could go see the Phantom of the Opera on Broadway. They finally came to perform again in New York, but I don't have an opportunity to go. I wish I could. If I get the chance, I'll probably end up going alone...

It's been a while. 2:04AM 8/18/10

Looks like i'm the only person writing on my blog now. It seems as if nobody reads these things anymore. I guess one main reason I write on this thing is because I need to find away to relieve my stress. I need to find a place to write things down. When I can't find a way to write things down in my journal, I come here.

Lots of things have happened since I wrote here. He's gone now. He left somewhere for a while, I can't wait for him to come back, but maybe one day the wait will be over. Way before he actually comes back. I mean I kinda miss him. Ok, I really miss him, but maybe things will be different. I just don't want him to come back into my life when I have finally moved on. That hasn't happened completely yet, but one day soon it might.

Most of all, I miss his voice. I still sometimes talk to him on the phone, but its not enough. It's like some big tease, I hear him, but he is so far away. I miss the way he would hug me. I would yell the shit out of him, telling him I don't want him to touch me, I don't want him to hug me, when in reality, that's all I was waiting for. I miss the way we would talk about everything. I love talking to him. I miss the way he would look at me. I miss the way he would kiss me. OH MY GOD. I miss the way he would kiss me. It's like this thirst I cannot quench. This insatiable feeling. Whenever he would hold me and kiss me, we would be lying next to one another so close, but I still didn't have enough of him.

I can never get enough of him. And I guess in the long run, that can one day be a good thing.

Some Poetry

Here is a poem that I enjoyed and thought that maybe you might too.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TTuUoOP0uLU (The More Loving One)

Who cares?

Who cares about love anymore nowadays?
I don't think I will ever stop loving you.
I don't need you because I don't care about love.
I don't believe in our love...
Not anymore.
I don't think I will ever stop loving you.
This blog is full of thoughts all about you.
Who reads blogs about love anymore nowadays?
I don't think I will ever stop loving you.
I don't care who reads this because I know you wont,
you do not care about love.
I do not believe in our love...
Not anymore, but sometimes at night I do.
My head is full of poisoned thoughts of you.
But who cares about the thoughts in my head anymore nowadays?
I don't think I will ever stop loving you.
My heart is pumping vile poison.
My brain is thinking loving things.
I don't think I will ever stop loving you.
My fingers are feeling cold skin.
My skin is feeling your fingers.
I don't think I will ever stop loving you.
My eyes don't see you.
My ears do hear you.
I don't think I will ever stop loving you.
But who cares if I am insane anymore, nowadays.
I don't think I will ever stop loving you.
I don't think I will ever stop loving you.

Empty Celebration

It was my friends 19th birthday celebration today.
I was having so much fun but I was still thinking of you.
Every one is holding hands, and kissing, but i'm alone.
Without you.
I just thought of you for a little bit, what it would be like to kiss you.
Again.
What it would be like to be held in your arms.
What it would be like to call you mine.
And let the world know it.
And then the smoke clouded my view...

Stoned

Always flying in the sky


When will he come back down


Cant he see humans weren't meant to fly?

...wow its 1 AM

Cold Tiles.

I've been laying on the bathroom floor for hours.
Feeling the cold from the tiles leak into my skin.
I could lay here forever.
The only thing I feel is the cold, but slowly the numbness is taking over me.
Did I really drink that much?
I draw strength from it..and yet at the end of every empty bottle lies depression. Loneliness.
I didn't hear you walk out on me... but yet the silence of your footsteps rings so loudly in my head.
If I could change anything...or everything?
I'd change nothing.
I'd take laying here on the bathroom floor. Over anything in the world.
Nothing is worth getting better.
I'm gonna lay here...until your laying here with me.

I cant even write...I wish I could put out all of my feelings into words, but i cant.
I feel like i cant do anything anymore.
My emotions are completely blocking out my ability to function...

Whats going on with me...?

Prelude in E-minor (opus 28 No.4)

http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ef-4Bv5Ng0w&feature=related

Darkness brings me peace.
Silence brings me closer to you.
Only sound can describe what i'm feeling.
No words in any language can explain.
Where I belong.
Tears fall down my face.
A familiar taste.
Notes on a musical score bring me closer to you.
The sound of piano crying my need for you.
The longing I feel.
Of needing to be.
Where I belong.
Light is our enemy.
It poisons my heart.
My smile fell off my face, like a disease.
The space between time.
Is that where I belong?
Snow fills the warm pores of my heart.
Killing and freezing slowly.
And I laugh.
The reflection in the mirror brings me closer to you.
No body staring back.
Pitch blackness tells me its the fairest of them all.
My mind is taking me away.
When can you and I be together.
When can your darkness bring me peace.
The silence of death is all that I need to hear.
In the depth of darkness is.
Where I belong.

Reoccuring Dream

I have this reoccuring dream. I'm walking through a feild of all different types of flowers. Taken in their enchanting aroma. It's bright and the sun is shining its warm beams upon my face. I walk on forward, looking for something, someone, with great anticipation.
A weeping willow. Beautiful, peaceful, and blossomed. Running to the mysterious figure behind the weeping branches, I enter a time free zone. There he is, laying so effortlessly on a blanket, welcoming me. His eyes, brighter than the sun, reflect his pure tone of skin, perfectly contrasting against that deep empty black shirt he is always wearing. Resting on his strong back, left arm supporting his head, he smiles at me, welcoming me, as if he had been waiting for years. I get down on my hands and knees, crawling to him. His smell. That's all I could think of, I never wanna leave. His heartbeat is steady, sure, and confident. I place my head on his chest. Closing my eyes and taking him in. I am in a time free zone. Rain fell from the sky, but not where him and I lay, under that tree, nothing can touch us, nothing can hurt us. Nothing can hurt me, cuz I am laying with him. The smell of the rain, his aroma, and the smell of the flower petals floating around us, were wrapped around my senses. We were watching the outside world, covered and seeping with pouring rain, but we were untouched and unharmed. Even though gray outside the tree, in our time free zone, it was bright. Then Darkness. But I wasn't afraid because he had been holding me tightly, telling me he loved me. And thats when I felt that feeling. The feeling where I have a hard time breathing, Im longing for him to be real. The clouds roll away, exposing pure sky with stars painting love stories across its dark blue canvas. We lay in eachothers arms, looking up at the sky. Looking into eachothers eyes. No pain, no hurt. Just love and completion.
We can lay like this forever, there is no clock telling us its time to go, no time separating us, no person pulling me away from him. We can be together forever, but I always fade away, leaving him to wait for me endlessly in a world that exists only in my mind. My feelings and love are returned in that world, but my bodies duty is to wake up to walk the streets lonley in this world.

Im Still Awake

I'm still awake...and craving chicken burgers...

and you...

Will I Ever Forget

Why do I still remember your lips? They are keeping me from moving on. Maybe if we didn't kiss that night, we would have went our seperate ways by now. Sleeping, or as if in a trance because of your wonderful aroma, I lay on your lap. You sat with your face glancing at the sky right before I dozed off. Crickets chirping, and singing their soft melody for themselves, it seemed as if they were singing for us. You looked up at the sky, I looked up at you, drifting in and out of sweet sleep. If I had not gotten hurt that night, I wouldnt have ran to you, and it wouldnt have happened. Maybe it shouldn't have. But it did. I lay on your lap, eyes closed. And then you kissed me. My eyes opened wide, your eyes closed, your hand on my face, lightly caressing my cheek. Was it real? Or all a dream? I quickly closed my eyes, losing myself in a kiss I had been waiting for for years. Finally. You kissed me. Maybe you shouldnt have. But you did. Your warm lips against my trembling lips taught me what to do. But I couldnt think. I was drawing a blank. It was just me, and you. I couldnt even understand what we were doing. Kissing...yes. But what were we doing? We cant kiss. We arent supposed to kiss. We arent allowed to kiss. It will make us like this. But we kissed anyways. I can hear this deep longing sound, light, soft, and tender, coming from your throat. I can feel the tip of your tongue tickling mine. What are we doing? I sealed the kiss with the locking of our lips...and departed back into my surreal sleep. Was this real? Yes, it was. But maybe it shouldnt have. This changed everything. It brought us closer and further. I wasnt yours and you weren't mine, but we belonged to eachother that moment on that bench. You shouldnt have had me for even a moment, but I had you too. Even though you would never want to admit it. I had you. And yet, when you aproached me, I swore I would never give in again. I promised the world that I would never let you kiss me. So much for promises. You vowed you would never love me. You said you would never need me. So much for vows. And so we kissed, many times more. Kissing turned into something more. But never everything. You just couldnt. Because I couldnt. Maybe because we shouldnt. And we didnt. You hurt me. You stepped all over me. I stepped all over you. Just to have eachother all over again? You ran your fingers through my hair. You whispered softly of change. We had all these plans. But we cant be. We arent supposed to be. We arent allowed to be. I climb on top of you. Holding you. Smiling, and telling you that I will never leave you, when I am walking away...Cuz you walked away. From me. I met you as a child. Waited for so long. From having it all in my hands, to having it taken away, in one day, with your mistake, on one corner. And yes, it stayed in my mind. Always will. But I cant forget your lips. Will you ever kiss me again? I cant forget your hands. Will you ever touch me again? And all your words. Will you ever lie again? And your promises. Will you ever promise to be mine?...Will I ever believe you.......