Happy Holidays

I don't know who reads this.
But I would like to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving.
Almost everyone managed to ruin my holidays but I hope that your families love and cherish you.

I am thankful for having that one special person in my life.
One day I'll get to celebrate with my friends and him too. =]
I am thankful for my grandparents and my cat <3 p="">Happy thanksgiving and Happy hanukkah 

I know who's who. 
Wish I didn't know you. 

"I'll be here to the end."
Yeaaa, what is a "friend"....

I am beaten and abused
You are spiteful and amused
I attempt and I fail
You clap as I wail
You succeed and I cry
You get to live as I die

August 28, 2013
11:44 PM

I have lost myself in your dreams.
All my life I lived to make you happy.
You say that I should live for myself,
yet you don't understand the hold you have over me.
A choke hold.
A hold that I don't want to stop.
What will I be without your approval?
I seek it desperately for reasons unknown.

You don't like him.
You don't like me.
You can't change me.
So I change me. But change him I can't.

Why are you so unhappy?
When I live to make you happy.
I drain every little bit of happiness out of my blood
And pour it into your bowl for breakfast.
Breakfasts I don't have.
Breakfasts you don't have with me.
You love me, but you don't see,
That I love.
It's either your way or no way.

I have to make you see.
I have to make you see.
I have to break free.

Come here Daddy.
Come here and sit with me.

THIS IS NOT A POEM.

I’m wondering on whether or not I should share what is going on in my mind. I guess I’m going to take a leap of faith and trust you with what I’m about to say.

This is going to be very long. And probably not make any sense. And I still doubt most of you will even care.

I feel Isolated.

I cannot begin to explain what is going on in my own head.

It has something to do with time and not having enough of it. Having a voice, but not being loud enough.  Having two feet and not being able to run fast enough. Having a mind, but not being able to understand it. WORST of all… Not willing to use it.

No, this is not a suicide note. I’m not dying for anyone or anything.

Today’s world has no moral. No worry.

What happens to the unique and talented? The truly unique and talented? They get pushed aside and kept in the dark. They live in a studio apartment, somewhere in the middle of nowhere. They drive mediocre cars, where mediocre clothes.

What happens if you are an idiot willing to sell your soul and body to be “labeled” as UNIQUE and TALENTED. You become a Katy Perry, a Lady Gaga, a Kim Kardashian, a Mike the Situation.

They have movies made about them. They have studios fund MILLIONS of dollars to make a crap movie or TV show about KESHAS autotuned life. People are starving. I know five homeless men within a 30 block radius of where I live.

“THEY’RE DRUG ADDICTS. WE DON’T PITY THOSE WITH WEAK CHARACTER.”

Kesha does drugs.

Lady Gaga does drugs.

Katy Perry does drugs.

You’re all to blind to believe it. To blind to see it.  NOBODY lives a life like theirs and doesn’t blow once in a while.

But we fund their pathetic talentless, zombie lives.

We are their little monsters, their zombies.

People are getting blown up.

“LET’S BAN GUN’S, AND SLOW POT COOKERS”

It’s not in our human nature? To get pushed to the limit and do something crazy?

You’re all going to think “DAMN-Elina has gone crazy. It takes a crazy person to cause harm to others”

I’m not crazy. I’m not justifying anything or anyone. But everyone harms something living daily. Minute by minute, second by second.

Newtons third law: FOR EVERY ACTION THERE IS AN EQUAL AND OPPOSITE REACTION.

You use Styrofoam cups. I’m drinking from one right now. That isn’t harming anything or anyone?

We spend a $1.80 on bottled water. We pay for what is rightfully ours. We pay for the MONOPOLY of OUR OWN water supply.

We genetically modify corn to produce plastic.

We put aspartame in everything and pretend like it doesn’t give us cancer.

We hang with our friends when they are happy, fun, and willing to do pointless shit with you. As long as they are there for YOU. Will you be their for THEM? When they are in deep shit, when they are feeling low? HOW MANY OF YOU WILL BE?

“I’m a WONDERFUL friend Elina. I’m always there for my friends.”

YES. ALWAYS. YOU’VE NEVER LET ANYONE DOWN. YOU’RE PERFECT.

YOU CARE ABOUT EVERY SECOND OF YOUR FRIENDS LIFE.

We don’t. AND YOU KNOW WHY? Human Nature.

Darwin’s LAW dumbed down. It’s not a theory. Open your eyes.

SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST.

We are selecting idiots.

We have been slowly wiping skilled workers of the face of the earth since the industrial revolution.  Replacing them with mindless people who can press a button.

Education is not valued. CAN’T YOU SEE?

Let me tell you what Webster’s dictionary will never tell you.

Education: A quality most people should have. But not everyone has access to it, and those who do, are eventually going to settle into their mediocre lives and work just like the rest of the regular people, except they can eat out a little more often and wear fancier coats. Something that clearly isn’t of importance because Katy Perry gets paid MILLIONS for waving her ill-educated ass on stage.

WHO YOU KNOW..DETERMINES WHERE YOU GO.

This social network is a paradox.

I am isolated.

Facebook brings together people to isolate them. It gives you more of an audience, such that when you fall-more people will “like” it.

We live in a world, where we spend more money improving technology, making technology smarter, faster. BECAUSE WE NO LONGER HAVE TO BE.

MY MIND IS A BLACK HOLE.

Nobody cares. How many of you read this?

PEOPLE DON’T READ ANYMORE.

We have audio-books. FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVE FULLY FUNCTIONING EYES. FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVE NO BRAIN DISORDERS.

“I DON’T HAVE TIME TO READ ELINA! I’M A BUSY PERSON. DOING VERY IMPORTANT BUSY THINGS!”

No, you’re a lazy fuck. Who pretends to know everything. Because you believe what you hear.

YOU DON’T HAVE TIME?

You’re racing against the clock. And you never win. EVER.

Spend your time doing something useful.

LIKE

Reading a yahoo article on how KIM KARDASHIAN IS HAVING A TOUGH PREGNANCY.

NOT.

Can you say you’ve done anything worthy in your life?

2^ND LAW OF THERMODYNAMICS.

The second law of thermodynamics states that the entropy of an isolated system never decreases, because isolated systems spontaneously evolve towards thermodynamic equilibrium—the state of maximum entropy.

WHAT THEN? What happens to us then? That is if the human race survives to reach a maximum state of entropy.

There is something so truly flawed with human nature.

And this status is all over the place, just like my mind.

Click-clack pumps black-

Down the spiral stairs.

Pressed-pulled hair back-

Diamond studs in pairs.

Long-laced nude coat-

On the platform bench.

Stood-silent lips red-

A lonely little wench. 

Mad-men turn round

As they board the train

Stick-slick pant hard

All the men the same

Wide-walk stairs down-

One man walked around.

Tame-tonged girl sprung-

In awe had made no sound. 

03/27/13

7:04 PM

Love Is Not Enough

"I'd cry a thousand tears if you would ask me too.

Life is just a memory nowadays, and i'd cry for you."

                                                                        -EK

~LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH~ 

 By: A&B

I've had too many of a good cry for you.

This is my time to say, goodbye to you. 

In my heart of hearts

I know there is more love left for you.

Love is not enough, I've learned 

To see the journey through.

This is not yours alone, 

It hurts me too.

Please don't say you don't care,

I know you do.

In my heart of hearts,

I know there is more love left for you.

Love is not enough, I've learned

To see the journey through.

Love is not enough for me, 

If it screams when you hold it,

love is not enough for me,

love is hurting if it screams,

Oh if its screaming out loud,

I've been screaming for love. 

In my heart of hearts,

I know there is more love left for you.

Love is not enough, I've learned,

To see the journey through.

One day you will fly away from here,

One day, you'll leave your hurts behind.

The only album in the world that understands me.

If anyone is ever interested: ABOVE & BEYOND-Group Therapy