Memories.

I don't know what is going on with me lately. It's like I'm having withdrawal from you. I load myself with a ton of work during the day, it helps me get through it, but the more I suppress my the thoughts the more they haunt me when I lay down in bed. I haven't really been talking to anyone. I've just isolated myself from all the bullshit and fake things around me. uh omg, its like I cant even complete a thought without wanting to hug you. I miss the way you would make me feel. Loved. Even when we would fight, and I was so mad at you, you would walk up to me from behind and hug me, or make me some tea or write me a cute "I'm sorry, its my fault" poem, even though sometimes it was my fault. Most of all I miss you as my friend. I feel as if i'm losing all my friends, some of them were never really my friends to begin with. But i'm left alone now. I feel ok most of the day. I don't want to let anyone in. Maybe it is my fault I'm like this. I don't know why I threw our relationship away. Especially if we were so happy. But this world we lived in when we were together was not this world. We created one. One where it was just us. With no problems. And when we would find time to sneak around to see each other, we would lock ourselves in a room and lay in bed staring into each others eyes, till one of us fell asleep. But I was starting to confuse that world we made for this one. I live in this world, My body binds and chains me to this world. Yet my, soul would float around in the other world. I found myself hiding from hurt in your arms. Its where I wanted to spend my life. I found myself thinking of crazy things, like leaving school and running away...to just be with you. And when I was with you it was worth it, but when I thought of all the pain you caused me and all the pain I know you will cause me, I bailed. I got scared. Like you got scared. Only I didn't run to your friend, I ran from you. And I keep running from you. Yet, you somehow ended up in my bed late at night. All I kept thinking about was taking it to the next step, but I quickly realized i was not ready for such a thing. But I enjoyed the night the way it turned out. Peaceful. And I felt safer then ever. Now I protect myself and I'm fine with that. And I have no where to hide and I'm fine with that. And I have no one that can hold me and I'm fine with that. I just don't know why I dream of you kiss. The way you would run your hands from my waist all the way to my neck, where your fingers would work their way through my hair and then onto my face. I'm over you, but these memories will never fade away... why wont they fade away?