Finally the way I was born to be

I guess i'm finally the way I was supposed to be
Alone and without him
I used to wake up every morning
Just to see him
I used to go to sleep every night
Because I knew I would dream of him

I believed him
Didn't he love me?
At some point in time?
I thought he loved me one hour before I read that.
One minute before.
It took one minute to ruin my life.
Maybe it took 3 years.
Maybe I shouldn't have met him.
But I did.
And I would go to sleep everynight.
And wake up every morning.
Just to see him

I have no hope.
I've given up on life.
On myself really.
I've given up on everything.

I used to feel beautiful.
I used to feel pretty.
I wouldn't need anyone to make me feel beautiful.
But when he told me that..
I realized that I only felt beautiful because I believed he thought that too.

I have nobody to talk too.
I mean I have my sister.
And leezi. And Sheepy.
But their love..i different.
Their love...isnt like his love could have been.

I know I say I dont care.
But I do.
Its all I think about.
I find myself replacing my everyday activities with thinking.
I replace necessities with my thoughts.
I dont eat.
I dont sleep.
I try. But I cant.
I slowly find myself getting sick.
But at least I have my friends.

One promise..........is keeping me here.

When I sleep...and I dream...I dream of him.
I dream of us marrying.
I dream of us ..being together.
Making plans. Talking.

The only time I can express my love is when I sleep.
And then I wake up.
I realized that promise is whats keeping me here.